punching will continue until belief that you have a right to exist improves
SOME OF HIS FEARS ARE PRETTY OBVIOUS or straightforward, I mean, his people getting killed and all, dying himself (though that's a more complicated issue in Kyriakos what with revivals; some deaths would be more traumatic for him than others). He's afraid of what more his memories might hold since that's totally gone great so far, and as we know he can get insecure about his own strength/existential meaning when faced with something impossibly powerful. This hasn't been as pertinent with the Echoes since they use their power in very specific ways, but he's not ignorant of just how much they're capable of and the only reason he hasn't tried to attack Nyssa is because he knows how badly that could go for him and. yeah. :'D
Going a little deeper, he's constantly afraid that a game or something will happen where he'll have to make a shitty choice(s), because he knows he will. And he kinda fears on Vash's behalf too because he knows how much it fucks him up to have to deal with choices involving people's lives or well-being. And like I said it's not that he wouldn't do it, and he'd do it for Vash's sake too given the chance, but he's like welp once I do that vash and probably other people will hate me and I'm just gonna have to accept that. #someone's gotta show their fangs or someone else is gonna cry
He's also got some insecurities in regards to. well. Being a physically modified assassin and all. He doesn't remember the kids or anything, but even without that he's still got that monster with bloodstained hands!!1! complex going on under the surface. That's not something that comes into play around Vash so much as around kids or anyone more innocent or 'pure', and even then he just masks it unless hugs or something happen and then he dies a little inside
And let's not forget that time he mercykilled vash!!! THAT SURE ISN'T A THING HE WANTS TO DO AGAIN. Killing his people himself is even worse than not being able to save them. And Vash is his ~*~special friend~*~ after all!!1! And you could say it's a fear/insecurity I guess, but like where he was all ??? and not accepting that Vash worried that much about him- he can't really accept that because on a more subconscious level he's still afraid of trusting people, even Vash. Kind of because of what I said before, where he's silently telling himself 'I'm a shitty person who does shitty things so they're going to hate me eventually anyway.' coughself-fulfillingprophecycough. He's managed to accept that he's a close friend of Vash's, but somehow being THAT important to him is like. haha nope can't comprehend too busy being an expendable piece of shit
(if he could there would probably have been makeouts by now i mean jesus christ)
Reverse because I also enjoy characters' pain. Also what are Vash's current feelings on the Eye of Michael/Chapel now that he's heard about them?
no subject
SOME OF HIS FEARS ARE PRETTY OBVIOUS or straightforward, I mean, his people getting killed and all, dying himself (though that's a more complicated issue in Kyriakos what with revivals; some deaths would be more traumatic for him than others). He's afraid of what more his memories might hold since that's totally gone great so far, and as we know he can get insecure about his own strength/existential meaning when faced with something impossibly powerful. This hasn't been as pertinent with the Echoes since they use their power in very specific ways, but he's not ignorant of just how much they're capable of and the only reason he hasn't tried to attack Nyssa is because he knows how badly that could go for him and. yeah. :'D
Going a little deeper, he's constantly afraid that a game or something will happen where he'll have to make a shitty choice(s), because he knows he will. And he kinda fears on Vash's behalf too because he knows how much it fucks him up to have to deal with choices involving people's lives or well-being. And like I said it's not that he wouldn't do it, and he'd do it for Vash's sake too given the chance, but he's like welp once I do that vash and probably other people will hate me and I'm just gonna have to accept that. #someone's gotta show their fangs or someone else is gonna cry
He's also got some insecurities in regards to. well. Being a physically modified assassin and all. He doesn't remember the kids or anything, but even without that he's still got that monster with bloodstained hands!!1! complex going on under the surface. That's not something that comes into play around Vash so much as around kids or anyone more innocent or 'pure', and even then he just masks it unless hugs or something happen and then he dies a little inside
And let's not forget that time he mercykilled vash!!! THAT SURE ISN'T A THING HE WANTS TO DO AGAIN. Killing his people himself is even worse than not being able to save them. And Vash is his ~*~special friend~*~ after all!!1! And you could say it's a fear/insecurity I guess, but like where he was all ??? and not accepting that Vash worried that much about him- he can't really accept that because on a more subconscious level he's still afraid of trusting people, even Vash. Kind of because of what I said before, where he's silently telling himself 'I'm a shitty person who does shitty things so they're going to hate me eventually anyway.' coughself-fulfillingprophecycough. He's managed to accept that he's a close friend of Vash's, but somehow being THAT important to him is like. haha nope can't comprehend too busy being an expendable piece of shit
(if he could there would probably have been makeouts by now i mean jesus christ)
Reverse because I also enjoy characters' pain. Also what are Vash's current feelings on the Eye of Michael/Chapel now that he's heard about them?